DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT he loved me, but my partner wants his ex-wife back. I am gutted.

We have been together for two years and only moved in with each other last month.


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I am 30 and he is 40. He has been separated from his wife, who is 41, for more than two years, and they are formalising their divorce.

I genuinely believed we were really happy and had a future, with marriage and kids on the ­horizon.

He has always been loving and supportive, and made me feel like I was “the one”.
However, a few days ago, I found an email exchange that he’d had with his ex just before we started living together.

It was sent late at night, when I was asleep.

The messages started off asking about legal stuff they had to complete for the divorce to go through.

Then it got more emotional, more personal. He said he was sad things had come to this, and that he missed her and what they had together.

He told her he loved me, but sometimes he felt they had more in common, and that I didn’t understand him like she did because they had so much history together.

They met at college, so were together for 18 years.

He ended by asking if she was absolutely sure they were doing the right thing.

She shut him down straight away and said she didn’t want him back. But she suggested that maybe he wasn’t as happy with me as he claimed, and should think twice about moving in with me.

I felt sick when I read the emails. I haven’t told him that I have yet.

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But I can’t eat or sleep, and I know I have to say something.

I don’t know how to get past this. I’m doubting our whole relationship.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s never a good idea to read someone else’s messages, as you rarely discover anything that makes you happy.

I wonder if the fact you did this shows you didn’t entirely trust him. Perhaps you have been suppressing unconscious doubts about his feelings for you.

Don’t rush to conclusions. He could just have been having a momentary wobble about moving in with you. That’s natural before any big life change.

He may have felt sad and nostalgic, as the reality of the divorce sank in.

Whatever the reason, you do need to sit down and talk to him.

Try not to overreact. Be honest with him about how it’s made you feel and ask him to be honest with you too.

Ask if he wants to slow things down.

My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help you to do this.

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