DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE fallen for an older guy at work and he says he’s falling for me too. But he’s married and his wife wants them to try for a baby.
He’s department head at the big secondary school where I work as a sports teacher. I fancied him from the day I started. He keeps in good shape and is very self-assured and knowledgeable.
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I’m a woman of 24 while he’s 35. When I started three years ago, he was very welcoming. In my first year I had a few problems learning how to handle some tricky kids and he was really supportive.
I’ve always felt there was an attraction between us and things have intensified for us this year.
One day I was putting some sports equipment away and he walked by. As usual, we started flirting — only this time I couldn’t help myself and pushed him inside the storage room, where we kissed passionately.
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Somehow we managed to hold back on that occasion. But since then, we’ve had sex several times around the school. And now we are in lockdown there are more opportunities for us than ever, with fewer pupils and staff on site.
While the weeks are passionate and exciting, I go out of my mind at the weekend. I can’t talk to him or even message him — nothing.
It’s like I don’t exist. Since he told me his wife wants to try for a baby, I’ve started to wonder if we have a future. He says he doesn’t know what to do and feels torn between the two of us.
I’m worried if she gets pregnant it will be the end of us.
DEIDRE SAYS: Snatching moments in a storage room, while incredibly exciting, will not help you find out if you have a future. At the moment you are giving him everything on a plate.
He has his home life and his secret affair at work. He’s managing to keep the two completely separate.
To find out what he really wants, you need to take sex off the table. Then you can both think more clearly about whether you really could make a go of your relationship – in the real world, not just in a PE store room.
And, of course, there is another very important reason to stop this affair. By having sex with him, you seriously risk spreading coronavirus.
I’m sending you my support pack Your Lover Not Free?, which will help you protect yourself and work out what is best for you both.
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